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I once sat to an out-of court settlement forum on
the opposing side of a learned SAN. Daunted by the prospect, I had researched
vigorously and come up with an infallible proposal, waiting eagerly to see it
stun the silken one. Two hours later, my back still ached from the
condescending pats he administered (good job, son! good job!...you have a
bright future in the practice). Meanwhile, he had my client hopelessly seduced
with his joviality- “Trust me sir, I hate
court-rooms...I hope we can kill this matter before it gets there!” he
crooned while making hasty red markings on my proposal. My client nodded along,
blissfully unaware of how those red marks twisted his case beyond salvage.
“You see”, the SAN started a monologue as we
reclined in the leathery interior of his BMW (while I silently charted
alternate courses for the transport-stipend my client had earlier provided) “It
beats me completely when today’s young lawyers come up with paranoid ideas of
some evil machine working on a steady grind to annihilate them. And in typical
extremities of youthful ignorance, these ideas have been crystallised into a
mindset. They suspect anyone upwards five years at the Bar of being part of a crew
installed by ‘the system’ to operate the said evil machine.” I listened. He continued, “A quote from the 18th
century Greek, Hesiod easily comes to mind - ‘When I was a boy, we were taught to be discreet and respectful of
elders...but the present youth are exceedingly wise and impatient of restraint’
I
hear they are even moving for a minimum wage for young lawyers; the temerity!”
He gasped, turning to me in purple faced indignation. I fixed my stare on the
glittering dashboard; silence is golden. “We do them a favour when we employ
them, I tell you! For what is intelligence
without experience? Law practice is a juicy morsel you can only nibble upon
sprouting the teeth of experience. We help them cut their first tooth, and it
is bad enough that we suffer the double jeopardy of also paying them salaries...now
they want to fix the rates! The world is
surely at its twilight when we allow the
issue of fair recompense to be
determined by some psychedelic youth
forum.
And
the ridiculous chants to scrap this title, our little reward for a life of
drudgery in the law’s temple. They try to support this position with claims
that we block them from the largesse of legalesse. Ha! These
kids have outsized self-beliefs I tell you. So they really believe they can compete?
Clients are not fools. Winning cases has never been about lengthy research and
smart presentations. If that was the case, the law would not thrive. Forget all
that talk of no-adverts, the Law sells as a brand. In the legal marketplace, we
have built brands. Clients are suckers for brands. Have you never asked
yourself why despite the hue and cry of our high prices, we keep winning them? Do
these neonates know this? They whittle down fees to ridiculous rates, and vaunt
about revolutionising legal practice to become more affordable! Refined
clientele flee from such roadside peddling.
Do
you think the world is blind to the falling standards in the profession? This
consolidates our position as rare species, who must be optimized before the entire
legal structure falls to the ruins of the young bar. I have loads of them in my
employ; what do they do? Waste all their time on the social networks and Blackberries.
I humbly take my fair share of blame in this. I was the one that availed them
computers and internet connection in the first place. Well, I have learnt that kindness
does not always pay off. And they claim to work like robots, well they do. They
churn out volumes of briefs and motions but the intricate process of
structuring these to a win-win situation is what they are incapable of.
Let me tell you, intelligence without initiative is useless. Theirs is a workmans’s mentality, and we treat them as such. How often do they initiate projects? Never. They are only about their salaries and allowances. They will grow to turn the profession into a vista for the mediocre...hopefully this will transpire after my lifetime.
Let me tell you, intelligence without initiative is useless. Theirs is a workmans’s mentality, and we treat them as such. How often do they initiate projects? Never. They are only about their salaries and allowances. They will grow to turn the profession into a vista for the mediocre...hopefully this will transpire after my lifetime.
Yet
they shout for equal rights. That in itself is a measure of their superlative
ignorance. The first maxim at the Bar is seniority...an age-long exception
conceeded by the concept of Equality before the Law. What are their options? To
operate misguidedly and try to win clients without mentorship and make further
mess of the law’s reputation which they are already doing a geat job of
rubbishing? See, I have a son in High School, a precocious dude, and he’s only
fifteen.. He stands a better chance of making partner in my Firm than many of
those shoddy young ones. My boy already stands up to me without cowering and never takes no for an
answer, the most essential attribute of a good lawyer. I now believe that
perpetual succession should be advanced in Legal practice only if subsequent
take-overs are from the Principal’s lineage.
I
read of newspaper articles condemning the idea of juniors carrying our bags. Oh,
you think we started that practice? No! It is merely an obsequious display which
the incompetent hand tries make amends with. And now they turn it around to
make us look like slave-drivers. A judge
once insisted in open court that I address my staff as “colleague”, I retorted
that I would be doing the profession disservice by doing that, as the fellow’s
case was so hopeless. I had since convinced myself he would at best function as
a paralegal, and routinely assigned him such non-intellectual tasks as....well,
carrying my bag. Everyday, I pray for the rascal to resign, but he sits smiling
at every thinly veiled insult I throw his way. His numb skull probably managed
to register a clause in his employment contract that entitles him to an extra
month’s salary upon terminantion from my side. And I will not voluntarily
finance the release of that hazard to the streets.
The
funny thing is that I have witnessed many previously young lawyers metamorphosize
once they attain their sixth year at the Bar. They are the quickest to scorn
their immediate juniors, they are quick to betray their peers for a few privileges
we dangle. I enjoy setting them against one another and seeing them fight for
my approving nod or thumbs-up. They preen visibly at my slightest compliments and
suspend further talk of salary review or any such ambitions. I deliberately
make them aware of my assets, and nurture their dog-like loyalties along with
their dreams of sharing in a huge rush of profit, someday.
I
also hear they are fighting the worthy efforts to electronically verify
entrants to the legal sphere. In their shallow thinking, they fail to see the prospects
this has of narrowing competition. Or maybe (as my precocious son pointed out)
they are saddled with discomforts that their oftentimes dubious qualifications
coud be called into question.”
He
paused suddenly. “How long have you been at the Bar?” The truth forced an escape
through unwilling lips. “Three years sir.” His eyes moved shiftily “Oh, you must
note that there are a few exceptions to the general. From your intelligent proposal,
I think you have a bright road ahead. Here’s my card, if you ever need better
mentoring, we can discuss terms.”
I
alighted, and for once the heat waves of Abuja was welcoming. I stared at the
retreating vehicle and slowly released the shreds of his Call-card to the lazy hot
wind.
THE END.
First published in Thisday Newspapers: July 19, 2011
THE END.
First published in Thisday Newspapers: July 19, 2011