…occasionally, even the Law gets wet!
Yea; its knotty business and Lawyers are a stiff crowd. But on this spot the ties droop a notch and the starch comes off the collars to allow some hilarity seep in. This weekly buffet will be freely served and the bar is all set with the right spirits. WARNING: Any minute, we may suddenly disappear from your screen without notice, locked up “at milord’s pleasure” for Contempt.
believes in Santa anymore...or maybe, it is just that nobody is courageous
enough to voice out that belief. How can we talk of outgrowing ‘stage Santa’ when
experience shows that free gifts become scarcer with the advancing years; and
thus more treasured. I think that, as surely and as inexplicably as snow (and
harmattan) punctually herald Christmas-tide; that portly model of geniality
must be given his right of place during the celebrations.
Santa in the face of dwindling popularity has either uncloaked and transformed
to a normal, unhappy mortal; or simply soared to yet undiscovered galaxies of
the North Pole. Or maybe still...has retreated resignedly to the suburbs of our
in truth, it is difficult to deal with his absence. The yearly re-creations of
his image buttress the reality that we cannot use maturity as an excuse to wish away Father Christmas; and thus; murder Christmas. Therefore, if only we are
bold enough to strain the borders of rationality, Santa can return again...and grace
our world with his pleasant deep throated laughter filling us once more with the
harmless innocent cravings that have grown extinct in an increasingly
then; we reckon without the Law...and Lawyers.
are certain legal questions that would need to be successfully addressed before
Santa is re-admitted in today’s hyper-civilization.
the odds do not help his case. He wears a cloak and a...wig. And he steers all attention to himself with their bright
colours, as opposed to the grim dourness of the lawyers’. Maybe that explains
the origins of the traditional closure of Law Courts at Yuletide. As the
melodious bells of Pied-Piper Santa introduce an enchanting truce in human relations,
lawyers are compelled to involuntary idleness. Surely, you do not delude
yourself that the religious significance of the season extends to the legal
folk as well.
So the cross examinations commence- What
are the contents of those bulging bags? What statutory authority issued the ‘standard
testing’ for them? And, being Imports; have they been properly taxed and
necessary Duties paid? For example, if some daft believer wishes for a fairly
used car, would Santa’s obliging the request not tantamount to smuggling? ...Santa
is a smuggler then...? If that is
established as a fact, of course he would be put away for a long time.
Smart fellow; he tries to evade further taxations by couching his goods as
‘gifts’. Ok; let’s see how he prepares proper deeds of gift to his teeming
fans. He would need a lawyer for that; right?
Can’t the gift clause be defeated by the perfectly logical argument that
installing a week-long holiday in his honour is adequate consideration by the
recipients, thus creating multiple contractual relationships? The follow-up
question once this is conceded as fact would then be: Do the goods meet their
description as contained in the respective wish-lists? Is there adequate
fitness for purpose and merchantable quality? What are the Insurance covers,
especially in the light of his precarious delivery mode? What jurisdiction do
the parties submit to if there are conflicts? Does Santa’s native origin
reflect a Reciprocal Judgement enforcement concord with those of the various offerees?
precautions would also be imperative. First, the reindeer must be withdrawn! Its use constitutes a violation of various
sovereign airspaces; and until a comprehensive international framework is
developed to cover UFOs, Santa must fly in air-planes. He must endure the
routine of body scans; and his bags thoroughly rifled through. Sorry; no wishes
of cologne, deodorant, shampoo or liquid stain-removers this year.
this is actually where his problems would only have started. For one, his ancestry is doubtful; though he
claims to be Dutch. Whatever though!
Within our shores, he is an expatriate. Where is his Business permit? What Visa does he bear? Has he been cleared by
the National Investment Promotion Commission? Has the issue of Expatriate quota
been addressed? How many indigenous
employees does he propose to recruit, considering the inevitability of
registering a corporate entity?
now, that dubious mode of ingress he adopts...floating in through chimneys! What
honest man does that? And this, while the household sleeps! There are Legal
provisions on house breaking and burglary; and he should not literally soar
above the Law!
Right activists would also have a few things to say about the practice of cuddling
kids on his laps and buying them over with gifts of candy...all the while with
a twinkle in the eye. Viewed with the discerning eyes of a lawyer, that ho-ho-ho roar and belly-smacking attain
a disturbing dimension at such scenarios. Therefore, he needs to satisfy beyond
any doubts that he is not a previous offender.
Alas! He wears five golden rings...on his left hand and is known to frequently
hum a tune about Nine-Ladies-Dancing. He
must issue authentic certifications on exactly how many Mrs Claus-es are in the
picture. While it would be naked contempt to celebrate a monogamous faith with
a polygamist in the lead, the Lawyers’ concern is the Matrimonial Causes Act
which by virtue of his preferred season of appearance is irrebuttably implied
to bind him.
those numerous trees that are bulldozed at his behest; complete with shiny decorative
rays of dubious radiation levels? He would need to scale through proper Environmental
Impact Assessments and other relevant statutory tests before such practice is
allowed to continue.
it is likely that the custom of writing Wish Letters will be reawakened,
complete with other options enabled by the Information technologies: mobile
telephony and other wireless media. It would be suggested that a stakeholder
enquiry on what these portend for Cybersecurity efforts of various states be
held. There is no telling what items a terrorist group will prefer; and Santa
willingly oblige. He should therefore agree unreservedly for round-the-clock surveillance
to be mounted on his every correspondence.
this is the moment the reader tosses the paper aside with a snort, and a
muttered curse on kill-joy gentlemen of the Law.
well, have your celebrations, but there is an overriding obligation to the rules
of modern society...and its cogent fears.
you must concur that the above requisites do not substantially derogate from
the traditional Santa-clause.